When the power dynamic is off

Zoie Newman • February 2, 2026

Dealing with a Challenging Supervisor

When I was in college, I worked as a student employee for the university I attended. This was not only one of my first jobs, but also my first experience working in an office environment, which made it feel especially significant. I was both excited and proud to be in that position, as it carried a sense of importance for me. After a couple of years, I was promoted to a new role located directly in the Dean’s office of one of the university’s schools. Saying that I was thrilled would be an understatement; it was the very first promotion I had received in my early professional journey. This opportunity allowed me to leave my fast-food weekend job behind and finally pay for my own living situation. For a young woman who aspired to a career in the corporate world, this felt like a big deal.


During my first week in the new role, I quickly discovered that one of my two direct supervisors was a bully. Her expectations were extremely high, and she demanded that I master tasks immediately after only showing me once. Whenever I made mistakes or needed clarification by asking additional questions, she would respond by yelling and storming angrily around the office. The environment became so stressful that, at one point, I had to retreat into the copy room to conceal my tears after being scolded for incorrectly processing a purchase order.


Reflecting on my experience’s years later and viewing them through the lens of my conflict management expertise, I recognize an essential principle that I emphasize frequently: when you are the one holding power in a relationship or organization, it is your direct responsibility to address and balance that power dynamic. Whether your authority comes from your position, your title, or your influence, it is your duty to consciously give power back in support of those you lead. 



This raises an important question: what approaches are available to a young professional when faced with the reality that their boss holds all the power, while they themselves have none? Furthermore, what can they do when the person in authority is not receptive to shifting that dynamic or relinquishing any measure of control?

 

Recognizing Your Personal Agency


One important lesson I learned while working under a difficult boss was the importance of understanding where I actually had agency and held power. Although I did not have much control over the overall situation, a friend advised me that I did have power over myself—specifically, my reactions and how I perceived my boss’s attitude toward me. By choosing to take her bullying less personally and recognizing that her behavior stemmed from deeper insecurities in her own leadership, I began to notice a shift in our dynamic. This understanding of my power increased my self-esteem which affected how I expressed myself outwardly, altering the dynamic between us. While she continued to bully and yell at other student workers, she started to treat me with more respect once she realized her behavior no longer affected me.


Enhancing Social Awareness


One of the pivotal strategies I adopted during my time under a challenging supervisor was to develop and enhance my social awareness. After I managed to step back from the cycle of negativity that often accompanied our interactions, I found I had more mental clarity and energy to observe the environment around me. This shift allowed me to pay closer attention to my boss’s specific expectations, which often went beyond her direct instructions.


For example, although she would sometimes assign tasks with a deadline of three days, her demeanor, body language, and other nonverbal cues communicated a different message. It became clear that she wanted her assignments to be completed as an immediate priority and handled with a high degree of accuracy. Recognizing this, I made a conscious effort to improve my skills with the required software and became more efficient at processing invoices and purchase orders. By consistently prioritizing her work, I was able to better meet her unspoken expectations.


While it could be argued that it was her responsibility to communicate her needs more clearly, research indicates that a significant portion of our communication—up to 97%—is nonverbal. By focusing on these nonverbal signals and enhancing my understanding of what she was unable or unwilling to articulate, I was able to significantly improve our professional relationship.


Changing My Circumstances


Despite the difficulties I encountered in my role, I remained determined to stay. The position provided invaluable experience and helped me build connections that would be important for my future. With this in mind, I kept myself open to the possibility that I could continue working there, but under different circumstances.


This belief eventually led to a positive change: I transitioned into a new role where my former boss became an indirect supervisor. I was relocated to a different office, which significantly reduced my stress levels and shifted the power dynamic between us. The new setup included another individual who served as a buffer between me and my previous supervisor. With someone else placed between us, I found the environment less tense, and over time, I was able to transform the relationship with my former bully into one of friendship.

 



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The Difference Between Conflict Resolution & De-escalation

By Zoie Newman • May 4, 2026
Have you ever wondered if your team needs conflict resolution skills, de-escalation training, or perhaps both? What separates these two approaches? People often use the terms interchangeably, but conflict resolution and de-escalation are distinct skill sets to use at different stages of conflict. It can be crucial to deploy the right tools at the right time. When trying to repair a relationship when the emotions aren’t dealt with first, you can unintentionally escalate a conflict. Let’s break down the differences between de-escalation and conflict resolution and when to use both. What is De-escalation? Think of conflict resolution and de-escalation as tools in a toolbox: de-escalation is like a fire extinguisher, used to quickly cool down heated emotions and prevent the situation from getting out of control. Heated moments can come in waves, and deploying de-escalation can often happen repeatedly while we wait for others to processes the conflict. The most important part of de-escalation is to first learn to de-escalate yourself. Our own ability to self-regulate is crucial when it comes to practicing de-escalation. When we can self-regulate, we’re not as easily influenced to contribute to escalation. When self-regulated we can lean into the knowledge that we are all co-regulating with on another all the time and knowing this gives us the power to guide ourselves and those we’re in conflict with into a calmer state. De-escalation is both a verbal and nonverbal process, however our nonverbal cues are dominate and more important when trying to de-escalate someone. When someone is emotionally hijacked or in flight or fight, they are not listening but observing. Our nonverbal cues send the message of safety, and when that is backed by empathetic statements in a nonthreatening tone, a person can start to engage with their thinking brain and trust that others regard their concerns as highly as they do. To lean into co-regulation and cue de-escalation, stand openly and non-threateningly, maintain distance, keep a neutral expression and open palms, and soften your gaze, and head nodding to show listening and engagement. Lean in and mirror some cues to show empathy. Use a quiet, low voice for calm. What is Conflict Resolution? Conflict resolution, meanwhile, is like a set of blueprints and construction tools; once the immediate flames are out, you use these to investigate, rebuild understanding, and find lasting solutions. Conflict resolution consists of getting curious about what each party needs from resolution. When we focus on needs and move away from blame, judgement and criticism of the conflict we can get to the root of why we are in conflict. This is where our verbal communication starts to take center stage. When we articulate our own values and needs and ask the right questions and lean into the relationship building part of our preferred communication style we can resolve conflict in a health manner. Moving into conflict resolution and out of de-escalation, we engage in whole body listening, this means listening to all the verbal and nonverbal communication going on in the conflict. It is about reframing what you heard to clarify understanding, and finding common ground where understanding, adaption and resolution take place. Each approach plays a vital role, while de-escalation and conflict resolution are often mentioned together, each serves a unique purpose in managing workplace tension. De-escalation provides the immediate calm needed to create a safe environment, allowing everyone involved to regain composure. Only then can true conflict resolution begin, focusing on understanding core needs, values, and building lasting solutions. By equipping ourselves and our teams with both skill sets, we not only prevent unnecessary escalation but also pave the way for genuine connection and growth. Ultimately, mastering both approaches empowers us to turn moments of discord into opportunities for deeper trust, collaboration, and a healthier workplace culture.

Healthy Conflict Across Generations

By Zoie Newman • April 6, 2026
Generational differences are becoming an increasingly important topic in today’s workplace, influencing communication, teamwork, and mutual respect. The four central generations are experiencing significant social, emotional, and technological divides, which can reduce understanding and trust and lead to more conflict. This has created greater polarization, as people seek safety with peers close to their age rather than embracing opportunities for growth and a richer career through dynamic relationships across all generations. So how can we help build sturdier relationships, and reform trust with those of different ages? Like so many, I have certainly found myself in miscommunications and conflict fueled by generational differences. Having worked in healthcare as my first career, these generational differences can be stark, not only in the way incoming medical professionals are educated but also in the dynamics of staff and clinicians and most certainty in the communication from clinician to patient. However, generational conflict expands to all industries, and likely, you can relate to comments such as “back in my day”, “it’s just how the world works”, “they just want to work from home” that promote more of a cliché around generations than get to the heart of our differences and how they might benefit us instead of hinder us. In fact, most of the conflict that is fueled by our age diversity comes from overgeneralization and assumptions that we have made about one another that justifies our frustrations in tense moments. As a leading conversation, and an area I have found most mangers want greater support in, here are some ways we can make positive change. Embrace a needs-based communication style Coined by Dr. Marshall Rosenburg, needs based communication (or more commonly known as nonviolent communication) is a style of communication that de-escalates our language and focuses more on meeting the needs and values of a person. Our language can get us really bogged down in exaggeration, who deserves what, comparisons and judgments, all of which are breading grounds for our unconscious biases. If we can catch ourselves doing this and become aware of it, we can bring ourselves back to the human experience of others we are in conflict with. Next time you find yourself in a misunderstanding, conflict or difficult discussion again ask yourself these questions: What feelings do I notice being present? What needs am I trying to meet for myself? What needs do I think they are trying to meet? Are they the same as mine? What values do I hold that can help me navigate this? Understanding that individuals interact primarily to fulfill their needs—rather than to be confrontational—can fundamentally change how we view generational differences. Our shifting needs and circumstances, influenced by age and life experiences, shape our behaviors at work. By recognizing that each generation approaches its needs in unique ways, we open opportunities for building stronger, more innovative teams.  Embrace these diverse perspectives with openness and communicate around your needs, it will allow you to let go of judgement. Lean into shared values A place we can find commonality and maintain a needs-based approach to our communication is through values. Individuals all have a set of core values they live by, but what we don’t always realize is that we often share a lot of our value systems, we just have different ways of defining and honoring those values. Megan Gerhardt, in her book Gentelligence, goes on to identify that across age diversity we have four shared values in the workplace. These values are, Respect, Autonomy, Connection, Competency. No matter where you land on the generational spectrum, likely, these resonate with you, and it shows that we have more in common with one another than not. We all have the unique desire to be seen as skilled and valued for these skills as well as to experience both collaboration and freedom in our work. Knowing what shared values we may have across our generations, doesn’t however mean that hard work doesn’t have to happen to get to know one another. Our shared values are a foundational place to learn from, and when we incorporate that we collectively want to experience respect, autonomy, connection, and competency in the workplace we can start to get curious. However, it is still up to you to ask the open-ended questions that bring greater understanding and to check your own assumptions that might lead to unhealthy conflict. Fostering healthy conflict across generations starts with recognizing both our shared values and the unique needs that shape how we communicate and work together. By embracing needs-based communication, we reduce assumptions and judgments, allowing us to connect more authentically and build trust. Leaning into common values like respect, autonomy, connection, and competency, we create a foundation for positive change, regardless of age differences. While generational divides may fuel misunderstandings, curiosity and openness help us move beyond stereotypes and toward stronger, more collaborative workplaces. Ultimately, when we approach conflict with empathy and flexibility, we not only bridge generational gaps but also enrich our professional relationships and team dynamics.