Developing Your Internal Mediator
Navigating Conflict as a Young Professional
One of the toughest challenges you may face as you begin your full-time career is learning how to handle conflict—whether it’s with colleagues, your boss, or clients. Conflict can arise from many different sources: sometimes it’s expected and you can prepare for a difficult conversation, but other times it comes unexpectedly. When you’re also trying to adjust to a new office culture, report to a new supervisor, make a good impression, and juggle the many other demands of starting out as a young professional, conflict can quickly escalate under that stress. Drawing from my own experiences—both successes and failures—in managing conflict early in my career, I developed what I call the “internal mediator.” This practice is here to help you build up your resilience to conflict and create a healthy relationship with how we practice conflict. Here are a few steps you can start practicing to better navigate workplace conflict:
1. Regulation: Managing Yourself in Stressful Situations
The first element in building your internal mediator is self-regulation—how well you can manage your emotions during stressful situations. When emotions run high and you react impulsively or strongly, you can unintentionally make a conflict worse. Developing this skill requires ongoing practice to help form new neural pathways. By learning to manage your emotions, you avoid being swept up by the emotional currents of others when conflict arises and can remain grounded and in control. To improve your regulation, practice taking a pause before responding, reframe your statements as questions, pay attention to your body language, and be mindful of how you present yourself to others.
2. Adaption: Understanding Your Own Perspective
Next, take time to reflect on your values, needs, desires, and the personal stories that may influence your relationships and contribute to conflict. By recognizing your own contributions to a situation and understanding the needs you are trying to meet, you can acknowledge the narratives that shape your perceptions. This process is part of what psychologists refer to as cognitive reappraisal—thinking about your own thinking. Adapting your stories and beliefs about a conflict means viewing the situation from different angles, which can broaden your perspective and help you identify a clearer path to resolution.
3. Resolution: Moving Toward Solutions
The final step is to seek resolution. Consider how you can clearly and thoughtfully express what you need, define your goals for resolving the conflict, and consider how to honor the other person’s needs. By approaching resolution thoughtfully, you set the stage for constructive outcomes and respectful long-lasting resolution
